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dykstraNet

American Obituary

January 18th, 2007

When I heard Art Buchwald had died, I searched through my feeds for any references. There was only one… found in a list of quotes about America posted by Guy Kawasaki. I found them all fascinating:

  1. America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization. Georges Clemenceau
  2. America…just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable. Hunter S. Thompson
  3. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. P.J. O’Rourke
  4. In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses. Calvin Trillin
  5. My country, ‘tis of thee
    Sweet land of felony
    Of thee I sing
    Land where my father fried
    Young witches and applied
    Whips to the Quaker’s hide
    And made him spring.

    Ambrose Bierce

  6. In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact. Marlene Dietrich
  7. Americans are the only people in the world known to me whose status anxiety prompts them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles. Paul Fussell
  8. The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them which we are missing. Gamal Abdel Nasser
  9. The Americans are certainly great hero-worshipers, and always take their heroes from the criminal classes. Oscar Wilde
  10. Americans are broad-minded people. They’ll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn’t drive there’s something wrong with him. Art Buchwald
  11. Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology. Clive James
  12. Food, one assumes, provides nourishment, but Americans eat fully aware that small amounts of poison have been added to improve its appearance and delay its putrefaction. John Cage
  13. Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development. Russell Baker
  14. When good Americans die they go to Paris; when bad Americans die they go to America. Oscar Wilde

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I Can’t “Play” by the Rules

January 13th, 2007

It’s no wonder ITunes music sales are flagging. People are probably beginning to realize the limitations to listening to music that you’ve purchased from the ITunes Music Store. For one thing, if your hard drive crashes and you’re not backed up, you’re out of luck. You can only download your songs once. I lost a bunch of purchased music this way. Shame on me, perhaps, for not backing up I guess. Then I lost more music because I switched my email address. I used to have gjd@mindspring.com which is what I used as my apple ID. Now that I use a different email, I can’t authorize that old music on my newly purchased IMac. RRrrrrr. It’s so frustrating. My Imac stairs blankly back at me when I yell. I’m sure I’ll lose more of my purchased music soon. On the music that I can authorize, ITunes claims that I have 3 machines authorized when, in fact I only have two. I’m waiting for the day I get locked out completely.

Could it be that people are going back to CDs, or (more likely) illegal downloading of non-protected MP3 files?

Of course, I still have all my music that I purchased the old fashioned way… on CD.

Looks like URGE, Napster, and Rhapsody are equally frustrating.

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MoTown Ho

January 4th, 2007

I have moved to Detroit, Michigan. Despite the gray days and rusty overpasses… I am happy to be here.

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Polygamist Arrested in Vegas

August 29th, 2006

From CNN:

– The FBI says fugitive polygamist Mormon sect leader Warren Steed Jeffs has been arrested in Las Vegas, The Associated Press reports.

I wonder if he was caught because Vegas no longer allows stealth 3AM weddings.

Overheard at the Vegas police station: “But they were open for my last wedding honey…”

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Automated Sincerity

August 26th, 2006

A disturbing trend (which deserves mention because I’ve seen it more than once now) is mis-use of the word “Thanks”. People are placing this once useful word in the signature of their outgoing email. It usually looks something like this

… blah blah. FYI this. FYI that.

Thanks,
Bill Sales-Guy
(XXX) XXX-1234 (blackberry)
(XXX) XXX-1235 (office)
Such-n-Such Corp.

Of course… they didn’t actually write anything below the blah blah. Their e-mail software added it on for them. Makes the receiver feel real special that they are appreciated.

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This Too Shall Pass

August 23rd, 2006

Usernames and passwords are hard to remember. Do you use the same username and password on numerous sites. I do. Ever wonder if some geek at Amazon, EBay, or Bank of America is writing a computer program to test his usernames and passwords at other popular sites to see if they work?

Have A Nice Day!!!

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Polar, Nether Regions Shrinking

August 23rd, 2006

On inconvenient truths…

My friend Erica and I like to solve all the world’s problems over drinks. (and more drinks). We often slap each other on the back in agreement (sometimes missing… depending on how late it is) on the impending doom of the current state of the world and American affairs. She calls it the “End of the Empire”. It’s no wonder she sent me this link with a smile:

10,000 Reasons Civilization is Doomed

My submission… #1422: Shrinking Polar Bear Balls

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Sparing you all the Horse F#$%ing etc.

August 23rd, 2006

Based on observances and happenings over the last few years, my innocence and naivete has been lost. I’m glad I got to keep it until I was 33. Given that, I’m nonplused when I see comments like these posted on dykstraNet.

Anyone Care for Horse Sex

Thanks to smart software, you don’t have to see it unless I’m trying to make a point.

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